Ultra-Secure Overkill

Back in the 1970s National Lampoon published a memorable parody of a local Sunday newspaper, mocking the genre's often parochial world view. "LOCAL COUPLE MISSING IN ORIENT!" screamed the all-caps banner headline. Underneath, in smaller type was the subhead: "Japan destroyed." I recalled this yesterday as I read yet another press release touting an ultra-secure bunker facility. At times it seemed disconnected from reality.

“This is NORAD for the private sector," said Jarvis Entertainment Group president John Jarvis in touting the new Houston-area facility his company is developing. "The underground bunker is essentially disaster proof.” The company's press release goes on to note that "two-foot thick concrete walls and heavy metal blast doors are designed to withstand a 25 megaton nuclear blast within four miles."

Twenty-five megatons? That's a big bomb. How much damage would result from that size explosion? Believe it or not, you can actually chart this for a city near you using the Blast Mapper from PBS (proof that you can find just about anything on the web). A 25-megaton nuclear blast would kill 98 percent of the people within 6.5 miles of the detonation point, and destroy all residential homes and most office buildings for 10 miles around. Flying glass and debris would seriously injure people as far as 30 miles away.

But your data would be safe! Maybe I've just read too many of these releases, but this strikes me as an extension of the insular perspective found in the "Local Couple Missing" headline. That's particularly true for providers focusing on the local business market. Allow me to propose a litmus test for future press releases: Would a disaster that tests your marketing claims also kill most of your clients?

Sure, everybody wants to tout the security of customer data. Ours is an industry designed to address the worst-case scenario, and nuclear events are the Big Fear nowadays. But I think perhaps it's time to tone down the rhetoric about ultra-secure facilities' ability to survive a nuclear holocaust.